Saturday, October 15, 2016

List of Reviews

Here is the list of all the reviews that are on this blog, for easy access so you don't have to go back pages upon pages to see if I have a certain one. This will be updated every time a new review is posted.

Jeffrey Long's Reviews:

2-Headed Shark Attack
40 Days and Nights
100 Degrees Below Zero
100 Million BC
Adventures in Dinosaur City
AE: Apocalypse Earth
Age of Dinosaurs
Age of Tomorrow 
Airline Disaster  
Aladdin and the Death Lamp
Alien Abduction
Alien Outpost
Almighty Thor
Anaconda 3: Offspring and Anaconda 4: Trail of Blood
Android Cop
Area 51 (via Fox Force Five News)
Area 407 
Atlantic Rim, aka Attack From Beneath 
Attack of the Herbals
Avenged, aka Savaged (via Fox Force Five News)
Avengers Grimm
Banshee Chapter (via Niume) - New!
Barrio Brawler, aka American Brawler 
Battle of Los Angeles
The Bay
Big Ass Spider
Bigfoot Wars
Blood Father (via Niume) - New!
Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys
Camel Spiders 
Carnosaur 2
Carnosaur 3: Primal Species
Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles 
Curse of the Komodo 
Darr @ The Mall
Decoys 2: The Second Seduction
The Dinosaur Project 
The Dyatlov Pass Incident, aka Devil's Pass
The Eden Formula
Eko Eko Azarak: Wizard of Darkness
Europa Report
Fatal Call 
Ghost Shark
The Gingerdead Man
The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust
The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver
The Gingerdead Man vs The Evil Bong
Grimm's Snow White
Hansel vs Gretel 
Hard Target 2 (via Niume) - New! 
Interrogation (via Niume) - New!
Jailbait, aka 17 & Life: Jailbait
Jersey Shore Shark Attack 
Jurassic Attack, aka Rise of the Dinosaurs 
Jurassic City
Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil
Killjoy 3: Killjoy's Revenge
Killjoy 4: Killjoy Goes To Hell
Komodo vs Cobra 
Krampus Unleashed (via Niume) - New!
Lake Placid 2, Lake Placid 3, and Lake Placid: The Final Chapter
Lake Placid vs Anaconda
The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure
Lost Tapes: Season 1
Maximum Ride (via Niume) - New!
Mega Piranha
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus
Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark 
Metal Tornado
Mihmiverse #1: The Monster of Phantom Lake
Mihmiverse #2: It Came From Another World!
Mihmiverse #3: Cave Women on Mars 
Mihmiverse #4: Terror From Beneath The Earth
Mihmiverse #5: Destination: Outer Space
Mihmiverse #6: Attack of the Moon Zombies
Mihmiverse #7: House of Ghosts
Most Likely To Die (via Niume) - New!
My Super Psycho Sweet 16
My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 2
My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 3
Nazis at the Center of the Earth 
Nemesis 2: Nebula
Operation Delta Force 
The Planet
Planet of the Sharks (via Niume) - New!
The Prophecy
The Prophecy 2
Puppet Master
Puppet Master 2
Raaz (via Niume) - New!
Raaz 2: The Mystery Continues (via Niume) - New!
Raptor Ranch, aka The Dinosaur Experiment
Rise of the Zombies
Rituals, aka The Creeper
Road Wars
San Andreas Quake (via Fox Force Five News)
Silent Night
Shark Week, aka Shark Assault
Skinwalker Ranch
Sniper 4: Reloaded
Spiders, aka Spiders 3D
Super Cyclone
Tactical Force
Teenage Space Vampires, aka Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga 
Transmorphers 2: Fall of Man 
Universal Soldiers
Unlucky Charms
Willow Creek
Zombeavers (via Fox Force Five News) 
Zombies vs Strippers

Jeffrey's Top 10 B-Movies of 2011
Jeffrey's Top 10 B-Movies of 2012
Jeffrey's Top 10 B-Movies of 2013
Jeffrey's Top 10 B-Movies of 2014

Michael Banno's Reviews:
Age of the Hobbits, aka Clash of the Empires
BloodRayne 2: Deliverance
BloodRayne 3: The Third Reich
Death Race 2
Death Race 3: Inferno
In The Name of the King 3: The Last Mission
Sharknado 2: The Second One

Bobby Lepire's Reviews:
The Coed and the Zombie Stoner
Dragon Fighter
Hunting The Legend 
Jack The Giant Killer
Killer Mountain
Robin Hood: Ghosts of Sherwood 
Sleeping Beauty

Cameron Popplestone's Reviews:
Cassidy Way 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Zoombies (2016)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

COMPANY: The Asylum

RUNTIME: 87 minutes  

FORMAT: iTunes

PLOT: When a strange virus quickly spreads through a new wildlife sanctuary park and turns all the zoo animals undead, those left in the park must stop the creatures before they escape out into the nearby city.

REVIEW: Being the huge B-Movie nerd that I am, I always highly anticipate each new Asylum release, and Zoombies was obviously no exception. However, I wasn't really a big fan of Asylum's previous two 2016 releases so far, Little Dead Rotting Hood and Night of the Wild. Both are ok, don't get me wrong, but I didn't find them all that fantastic either, and neither one is probably one that I'll randomly grab off my shelf to rewatch ever again outside of potential reviewing purposes. On top of that, I'm beyond sick of zombies and zombie movies. At this point anything new or interesting that can be done with the genre has already been done and outside of a couple shows I'm watching and will stick with until they end (Walking Dead and Asylum's own Z Nation), I've pretty much gone on record and stated that I'll no longer be watching any new zombie stuff, with the exception of course of anything Asylum puts out as they always get a free pass from me, especially this day in age where they only release one new movie a month, and sometimes not even then.

As the cleverly-titled Zoombies played on though, I was relieved to find out that these aren’t actual zombies per say, so much as just a new strain of rabies or something. These animals can still run and move quickly, they don't come back from the dead once killed, and they can be killed by pretty much any means that you can already kill animals by. I'd liken this more so to the rage virus from 28 Days Later than actual zombies. With that said, I was confused by how this virus operates. They make it clear that humans aren’t affected by it and it's strictly wildlife, however there's a part in the movie where (through one of the luckily-rare examples of piss poor horrible CGI in this movie) they ride elephants to get from Point A to Point B in the park after everything goes to hell and their vehicles get destroyed, and they say that elephants aren’t affected by this virus because their DNA is close to that of humans or some such explanation...which would be fine, except then there's parts throughout the entire movie where monkeys and gorillas are affected by it, and while I'm no animal expect or zoologist, it seems to me that those animals would be closer to humans than elephants are. Somebody feel free to correct me on that if I'm wrong though, as I love learning new things.

In terms of the zombie animals themselves, this movie has a whole slew of them from monkeys to birds to hippos to lions to pretty much just about any kind of regular zoo animal you can think of, and I was really glad that they were able to make room for lots of them to be a recurring threat. It always bothers me in movies that deal with multiple species of killer animals when it goes from just one animal attack scene to another, with each one just being a different animal and they never make any of them a recurring threat. It's like you get to your favorite one, but then that's it, it's over and it's onto the next type of killer animal threat, but luckily in this movie there are quite a few that seem to keep popping up here and there and being a continuous danger to our characters, and I loved that, especially when it comes to Kifo the Gorilla as he was easily my favorite in the entire movie. I actually thought for sure that Kifo was going to pop in and save the day at the end, ALA the Rex in Jurassic World, especially since watching this movie makes it very clear that this is actually a Jurassic World mockbuster in disguise, and on top of that I figured the movie was giving us foreshadowing early on when the little girl was playing with her toys and had the gorilla toy fighting another animal toy, but I'm glad it didn't go that route because I always love it when a movie, especially a B-Movie, doesn't do what you're expecting it to and throws a curveball in there.

As for how Kifo and the other zombie animals looked, well the CGI is a mix bag. Sometimes it was pretty good, especially when it came to Kifo and the monkeys, however other times it was a tad bit lower than what I've come to expect from a modern Asylum flick, such as the aforementioned elephant-riding scene or a scene later on where the characters are zooming down a zip line that goes throughout the park. Overall though, this movie is just so much fun that I'm able to mostly overlook those few moments of lesser CGI. Plus we get some practical stuff here and there too, like many of the scenes with Kifo, where it's actually a man in a gorilla suit filming the scene, and while it's obvious that it's a man-in-suit, he still does a great job of acting like a gorilla and it actually didn't take me out of the movie as much as I was initially expecting it to.

And I know I've said this already, but good golly this movie is FUN! There are tons, and I mean tons of fun animal attack scenes throughout this entire movie, with my favorite (and probably zaniest) being a scene where giraffes, infected by this virus, start hauling people out of trees that were hiding up there and munching down on them, and that's not to mention scenes involving jungle cats stalking their prey throughout the park, or a deadly koala bear scene, or a pretty intense scene inside of Kifo's enclosure that will probably remind most B-Movie fans of the 1995 killer gorilla movie Congo, especially with the cave backdrop that's inside of the enclosure that seems almost directly inspired by Congo. There is certainly no shortage of fun action scenes taking place in a nice diverse variety of locations throughout this park, during both day scenes and night scenes (I love it when modern killer animal movies have a good amount of night scenes in them as I find most these days are entirely during the day), however part of me wishes we could have seen even more of the park, as there are some locations, such as the Water Park and Crocodile Swamps, that we hear about in dialogue and see pictures of, and they sound and look like they could have had some fun action scenes there, but sadly we never get to visit. Not a complaint, mind you, as I'm perfectly content with the variety that we do get, just a personal little Wish List item is all.

Enough about the animals though, I want to talk about the humans involved in this movie now for a minute. There is a nice range of characters in this movie, this isn't one of those that only has four or five people in it, and surprisingly the movie did a great job with giving pretty much everybody developed personalities and back stories, to the point where, other than the main character that runs this park and her young daughter, you're never quite sure as to which characters will be killed off and which ones will make it to the end, which was a nice surprise for this type of flick. Helping matters was the fact that almost all of them, save for a couple of the more minor side characters, were actually acted quite well, with the shining star of the movie being the brand new comer LaLa Nestor as the main character's little daughter. Child actors, especially in low budget movies, tend to be the weak spot in the cast but here she was easily the best, and I was never not impressed with her acting chops, so major kudos go to her for her phenomenal job.

Not all the talent here was in front of the screen though. Suffice to say, going by how much I enjoyed everything thus far, I thought the script by Scotty Mullen (who previously did The Coed and the Zombie Stoner) was fantastic and actually pretty far above-average for what's expected from Asylum, and the directing by Glenn Miller (also of The Coed and the Zombie Stoner in addition to The Bell Witch Haunting), save for some questionable CGI shots, was great as well, with some shots and scenes seemingly going above and beyond what you would expect from the usual SyFy/Asylum type stuff. Rounding it all out is a fantastic Jurassic World-esque musical score by Asylum-regular Christopher Cano that actually remains pretty memorable even after the movie is over and done with.

 Zoombies turned out far better then I was expecting it to be, and not only is it my favorite Asylum movie so far this year, but it's also right alongside 2-Headed Shark Attack, 3-Headed Shark Attack, and Age of Dinosaurs as one of my top favorite movies of Asylum's entire catalog. Sure it stumbles a bit here and there in the CGI department at times, but the amount that this movie gets right, and even surpasses expectations at times, far outweighs those few questionable CG moments.

Seeing as how the movie ends kind of open-ended (I mean, the characters don't kill every single animal in the park before they themselves manage to escape, even though it's never directly referenced either), in my own personal head cannon I see this movie being the beginning of the zombie virus, where then after some of the animals escape after the events of this movie, the virus mutates and adapts so that it can also infect humans, which then leads to Asylum's 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, which (again, this is only in my own personal head cannon) takes place in the same movie universe as Rise of the Zombies. BOOM, got myself a nice little trilogy there, especially since there's zombie animals in 2012: Zombie Apocalypse as well. I may even take it a step further and add Asylum's TV show Z Nation into that universe as well once I catch up on it and see if it could potentially fit in.

9/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure (1994)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

COMPANY: Universal

RUNTIME: 73 minutes  

FORMAT: iTunes

PLOT: In search of some adventure in their safe and peaceful valley, the five young dinosaur friends make a hideaway. From there, they spot two thieves in action, stealing an egg from one of their broods. They chase them down and manage to recover the egg without its parents noticing, but in the process, accidentally create an opening into the valley, allowing two dreaded Sharptooths in. Everyone must fight them off together to preserve their peaceful way of life.

REVIEW: Over the next long while, I plan on watching and reviewing every single Land Before Time Direct-to-Video sequel, starting with The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure, in celebration of a brand new one coming out this year, for the first time in almost 10 years. Growing up I had only seen up to Part 5, so everything after that will be brand new to me, and even everything before that is very fuzzy to me.

However, to begin I'd like to give some very brief thoughts on the infamous first, and currently only theatrical, Land Before Time movie. To this day, the first, original, and best movie in the series is also one of the best animated movies ever made to me. It brings me back to my childhood like nothing else does, and I can even still remember (very vaguely) seeing this one in the theater, even though I was only 4 at the time. Each character had their own lovable and memorable personality, and it's essentially a road trip movie with dinosaur kids. It had genuine humor in it, mixed with harrowing tense scenes, and all topped off with some of the most tear-jerking heart-filled scenes of any animated movie before Pixar. And I'm sorry The Lion King, as much as I love you, this fellow kid's movie handled the death of a parent first and (IMO) even better. As far as animated family movies go, it does not, and never will, get better than the original The Land Before Time.

Now, The Land Before Time 2: The Great Valley Adventure is the first of the (many, many) cheaper Direct-to-Video sequels. It's actually kind of hard to judge and rate these sequels because of course they are nowhere near the level of the first movie, and I'm sure many of them are just beyond stupid looking at them through the eyes of a 30-year old. However, as a kid, I absolutely adored them and loved almost every single one I had seen, so despite whatever complaints 30-year-old me may have, they obviously did something right for their intended audience.

Unlike the first movie, Part 2 starts the long-running tradition of having annoying silly childish songs throughout each movie, something that annoyed even Little Me way back when. With that said, the songs in this particular entry are actually kinda catchy and, dear I say, I kind of enjoyed them. Certainly nowhere near as terrible as the songs from some of the other DtV sequels still to come. It also helps that the plot here is a pretty fun one, albeit it pretty light, which includes the introduction of a new (temporary) member of the group, a baby T. Rex named Chomper, who was easily my favorite character in the entire series when I was a kid, despite showing up only twice throughout the series. Where the first movie was essentially a road trip movie, this one is pretty much an Adventures in Babysitting movie as the characters come across this newly-hatched Rex egg and have to look after the baby Rex Chomper, while keeping him safe from the two main antagonists (two egg-stealing dinosaurs, one voiced by Pinky from Pinky and the Brain). Where the first movie had just one Rex as it's villain, this one has not just the two egg-stealing dinosaurs as the main villains, but also two secondary ones (the T. Rex parents of Chomper), so suffice to say there is rarely any down time or dull moments to be found here, as there is almost always something..ahem...hatching...for our characters.

I really don't have many complaints. Sure, as an adult a lot of the scenes, dialog, and especially song numbers are pretty damn cheesy and eye-rolling, as are the main messages at the end of the movie that get beat over your head in very not-so-subtle manners, but as a kid I totally ate all that stuff up, so it's hard to really hold that against the movie too much considering it worked perfect for it's target audience.

Of course none of the DtV sequels come close to the original movie, but as far as the DtV sequels go, Part 2 is definitely one of the more fun ones that I can remember, and was probably my personal favorite as a kid, outside the original movie itself. Even the annoying tacked on songs aren't nearly as bad in this entry as they are in some of the others. For what it is, The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure is actually a rather light and enjoyable animated dinosaur sequel kid's film.

8/10 Rooms in the Psych Ward

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Darr @ The Mall (2014)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

COMPANY: Multi Screen Multimedia

RUNTIME: 124 minutes  

FORMAT: Netflix

PLOT: Asia's largest mall is ready for it's inauguration, however there have been various accidental deaths in the mall and the owners are tired of stories about the mall being haunted. Vishnu is hired as the mall's chief of security and during the mall's inaugural party, must work to solve the mystery behind the supernatural occurrences while the death toll continues rising.

REVIEW: It's no secret to those that know me that I love Bollywood movies. And horror movies, for that matter. So I always love it when those two cross over, even if the end result isn't exactly all that good (such as with Vikram Bhatt's Creature, also from 2014). After all, it's not every day that you get to have random upbeat song and dance numbers in the middle of an atmospheric horror movie about ghostly murdered orphan children!

What surprised me though was just how atmospheric and genuinely creepy Darr at the Mall was at times. I can count on half a hand how many Bollywood horror movies I actually find creepy or scary, so I'm glad this one can be added to the small group. Actually, large chunks of it reminded me quite a bit of the recent 2014 American horror flick Last Shift, only set in a mall instead of a police station, so if you enjoyed that movie, you will enjoy at least some sections of this one.

In terms of that mall, I actually really love it when horror movies take place in a large empty mall. Not nearly enough of them do (Chopping Mall and Dawn of the Dead are really the only ones that immediately come to mind), so the setting here was perfectly creepy and effective, not to mention visually different from the norm, so I really enjoyed that. With that said though, it was pretty strange to me to see a pretty happening busy night club inside the mall. Yes, you read that right. A night club inside the mall. At first I was kind of confused as to what these people consider a mall and what they consider a night club, but then one of my close Indian friends clarified for me that large malls having night clubs in them is actually a pretty normal thing over in India, so I guess I can't really hold that against the movie. Luckily that said club empties out before too long so our characters get properly stuck in the large empty mall alone with the killer ghosts, with no night club full of people to get in the way of the feeling of isolation.

In all honesty, they pretty much seemed to only even have the night club scenes in there as an excuse to squeeze in a random song and dance number (as Bollywood movies are infamous for doing) without it seeming too random and out of place. And while I'm being honest, that song was actually kinda catchy and I've had it stuck in my head for days ever since. However, considering the tone of the movie, I'm thankful there was only the one random song and dance number, as opposed to the 5+ that most Bollywood movies have.

Where the movie does stumble a bit though I found, was with the characters. Other than the main security guard and some of the higher-up people in charge of the mall, the other main characters in the movie are a group of young adults that are friends with one another and are related to, or children of, or some connection to, the higher ups in charge of the mall. I'm not really 100% clear exactly on that, because the movie didn't really make it clear, and that's part of the problem I have, it's that these teen-ish characters are not fleshed out well at all and I was constantly confused as to which ones were which and how they were connected to the others, and it really wasn't until there were only two of these teen friend characters left alive that I really felt like I had them down pat.

Additionally, there's this big mystery for the characters to solve as to why this is all happening, why this mall is haunted, and why the main security guard character is some how connected to it all, but it's really not that big of a mystery as I pretty much called it almost right away once it started alerting us to the fact that there even is a mystery to figure out.

What the movie lacks in writing however, it more than makes up for in genuine creepy scenes and amazing visuals. In terms of Bollywood horror movies, this is one of the best, if not the best, that I've seen so far when it comes to the visuals. I'm not even talking about the CGI (which goes back and forth between being great and being kinda ho-hum), but more-so just the style to it all. It's very obvious that the director drew inspiration from classic Italian horror cinema for many of the death scenes and the more memorable shots, with Dario Argento's classic works specifically coming to mind on more than one occasion.

All in all, some of the writing aside, especially when it comes to the teen-ish characters and the big over-arching mystery, and ignoring the random song and dance number, Darr @ The Mall (or simply Darr at the Mall, as I'm not quite sure why they felt the need to use the @ symbol in the title) was actually a pretty creepy effective little horror movie, set in an excellent horror movie location that doesn't get used nearly often enough, with some nice obvious Italian horror cinema influences in the filming style. Regardless of what you think about Bollywood movies in general, horror fans are going to want to check this one out.

8/10 Rooms in the Psych Ward


Cassidy Way (2016)

REVIEW BY: Cameron Popplestone

COMPANY: Red Thread Pictures

RUNTIME: 95 minutes  


When a film student and her two friends go to Kern County to shoot a documentary, they stumble upon a mysterious family and learn why Pandora's box should never have been opened.

REVIEW: Cassidy Way tells the story of three film students who get lost after stumbling across something they shouldn't have as they film a documentary. They end up meeting a family who initially offer to help them find their car, but turn out to have more devious motives than initially realized. This is tied to a corporation who is trying to buy up the land in the town, and this strange family turn out to be the only holdouts, due to an incident that happened between them and some of the employees of the corporation several years prior to the events of the film.

Cassidy Way is not a very good movie. It's problems stem from a pretty uninspiring concept that's already been seen many times before, as well as pretty poor acting overall from just about everyone involved. The Dad character especially is by far the worst of the performances. You do sort of buy that he's crazy, but it's also obvious that he's trying way too hard, and it comes off as a farce and doesn't fit in with any of the other actors at all.

In addition, it moves along at a snail's pace, and very little actually really happens to justify a full length film runtime, especially one at over 90 minutes. Honestly, this movie feels like the type of story that would have worked better as a 20-minute segment in a horror anthology film, and tightened up a bit. Even the most fanatical of horror fans will probably have a hard time sitting through this one. Then one of the few actual interesting points in the movie - finding out what the corporation trying to buy up all the land in the town is really up to - is barely even touched on, feeling more like a brief afterthought, and it leaves you feeling like it was pointless to have that as a subplot to begin with.

I can see what they were trying to do here, but it sadly didn't work. At all. It was a boring, poorly made, uninspired, and badly-acted mess of a film.

1/10 Rooms in the Psych Ward

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Extinction (2015)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

COMPANY: Hollywood Vision

RUNTIME: 107 minutes  

FORMAT: Screener

PLOT: Deep in the Amazon jungle a research team lead by a respected Professor strive to protect vulnerable and endangered species, but when their guides abandon them they soon realize they are in the hunting ground of prehistoric apex predators.

REVIEW: Those that are familiar with my review work know how much I love Found Footage flicks, in addition to how much I love dinosaur flicks, so suffice to say I was pretty excited when a screener copy of this new dinosaur-themed Found Footage flick fell into my lap for early review. Some of these, like Area 407, are absolute crap while others, like The Dinosaur Project, actually turn out pretty fun and decent. So where does Extinction, aka Extinction: Jurassic Predators, fall in that list? Sadly, while there's some stuff to enjoy here, it probably should have just stayed extinct.

One of the biggest faults of Extinction I feel, is that it just goes on for way too long. B-Movies should be kept short and sweet. Longer runtimes are great for big budget theatrical epics, but for movies like this, they're best kept on the shorter side. No matter how much I can overlook crappy acting and questionable effects, even I get sick of them when they begin to overstay their welcome, and there was just no need for this movie to be fifteen minutes shy of two hours. Especially when you factor in that there was so much of this movie that could have been tightened up a bit and trimmed here and there.

With that said, most of the movie was also already an unintelligible mess, even without further cuts. It just hops around from scene to scene, and cuts from scene to scene so quickly that it's impossible to really know what's going on and why it's happening half the time. I'd say the average scene lasts about 30-60 seconds before jarringly cutting to the next 30-60 second scene. Putting aside the fact that it makes the entire movie difficult to follow, due to this there's also no build up or suspense to most of the scenes where things actually happen, because we'll just quickly cut from the middle of a conversation or some such mundane scene during the day, right into the middle of their camp being attacked that night. Then while mid-attack is still going on, we'll cut back away from that and suddenly to them wandering through the jungle the next afternoon and talking about the night before.

This kind of quick cutting and jumping around aimlessly, with no narrative, plagues pretty much the entire movie and ruins any attempt at suspense. Not to mention it just makes a giant mess of the entire movie, making most of it impossible to follow and difficult to get any sort of characterization to come across from our main cast. For instance, it's about 45 minutes in before we even really find out what the initial goal is of this group of people and exactly why they're in the Amazon and filming to begin with. Even Area 407, as much of a mess as it was, had way better characterization than this movie.

It also doesn't help that I found that I didn't really want to know these characters. They're pretty much all badly-acted, to a groan-inducing level, and things were made even worse by what can only be described as the most annoying and whiny cameraman in a Found Footage movie, ever. The dude would never just shut the fuck up or stop doing the most atrociously stupid shit you can think of. The only real mystery in this movie is not how dinosaurs can still be alive, but instead how this annoying idiot managed to survive until the end of the movie. Oh, and another reason to want this guy dead in the movie? For a professional camera man, he really couldn't keep the camera steady at all. It was overly shaky and brought about the most sever case of motion sickness that I've felt in a Found Footage movie to date, rivaled only by maybe my theatrical viewing of Cloverfield. However, the main female lead was really easy on the eyes and she was constantly wearing tight tank tops throughout the entire movie, so at least there was some good eye candy here, if nothing else.

What annoys me most out of all this though, is there this movie actually had some great potential. Unlike Area 407 which was pretty much mostly unforgivable shit through and through, this movie did have some redeemable qualities and there were hints of a actual genuinely good movie under the surface if just a little more care was given in some aspects. For instance, while it may have been almost an hour in to the movie until we actually see the dinosaur that's been stalking them, I was actually ok with that as, due to the over-long runtime, we still get a good solid 45 minutes after that point that's filled with lots of good long looks at the dinosaur, plus leading up to that point we got lots of frightening roars, growls, and an admittedly-pretty awesome and creepy night time tent scene, so even before it showed up on-screen in the flesh, it wasn't entirely absent from the movie. Plus I loved the jungle scenery (a bit more on that soon) so I was actually really liking just watching the characters trek through it all. When the dinosaur in this movie does show up though, and we get tons of great long-lasting looks at it, we get to see pretty quickly that it's surprisingly done with practical animatronic effects as opposed to the much-more common badly-integrated CG effects that's in most B-Movies these days. I'm always saying that practical effects are not always better than CGI, and that I'd rather take good CGI over bad practical any day of the week, plus you can do so much more with CGI, however the dinosaur animatronic looked really good here, so I was pretty impressed with it most of the time. Although with that said, there were some points while it was moving around that it didn't come across as too convincing, as its motions were really unnatural and fake, and during these moments, more often than not, it just looked like it was a borrowed prop from the Walking with Dinosaurs Live Stage Show.

As mentioned above, I actually really enjoyed the scenes that were simply the characters wandering through the jungle. The scenery here was great, and provided a lovely visual treat, as jungles are one of my top favourite movie settings, and unlike most B-Movies that just get some random backyard forest to stand in as a jungle, this place that they filmed in actually is a real jungle. I'm not sure exactly where this movie was shot, but wherever it was it was damn convincing as the Amazon, and it looked nothing short of beautiful. That, mixed with the fun use of an actual animatronic dinosaur, and the fact that the leading lady was easy on the eyes and always in tight tank tops, at least made this movie a very pleasant experience, visually, despite all the issues I have with it as a whole.

It's just such a bummer that everything else on display in Extinction didn't deliver as well. The impossible-to-follow narrative, bad acting, annoying characters, and terrible camera motions are all bad enough as it is, in any movie, but the fact that this one goes on for way too long only leads to showcasing these issues even further as due to the movie's length they're on display even longer than they usually would be. There is potential for a pretty decent movie somewhere in here, it's just, unfortunately, not this specific cut that we got.

If you'd still like to check out Extinction (or Extinction: Jurassic Predators as it's called in some places of the world) and decide for yourself how you feel about it, you'll be able to check this one out via VOD services such as Itunes starting on June 2nd.

4/10 Rooms in the Psych Ward